My daughter shared her cold with me (thanks, Miks) and when you mix a simple cold with a "chronic disease" like metastatic lung cancer, well it pretty much knocks me out. I've spent most of the day lying on the couch. After I picked up Zander from school, I immediately lay back down on the couch without taking off my coat or anything.
Zander froze and stared at me lying on the couch and then said,
"It makes me feel like your cancer is growing again."
I reminded him that I just had scans and the cancer is so small they can barely see it.
"I know, but it makes me nervous to see you sick."
He was only 4-turning-5 when I was diagnosed and SUPER sick, and he says he doesn't really remember those days, but I think on some level it has stayed with him.
Sigh.
Also, my apologies that I have neglected this lovely blog for so long. Things are good with my health, the latest MRI showed that the SRS worked super well, so the plan is to keep chugging along with Xalkori and if anything else pops up we will zap it again. All of my creative energy has been going toward getting our Pointless Brewery & Theatre up and running. Things are going super well there, and it has been SO MUCH FUN! A wise person said to me that, in addition to the fulfillment of a dream, this business is a kind of self-care for me, a way to envision the future in a way that is less painful and uncertain than my own future. I think she is correct.
3 comments:
WEll yes. That is how my book probably works. You get involved and imagine a different scenario. I think, given my experience with children and trauma, that yes, Zander does remember on some level. He can't articulate it, but he does. You gave him the info he needed and he responded truthfully. That won't make YOU feel better, but it does make HIM feel better. You are terrific.
Mary Koral
I am so happy to get an update on your health. That is wonderful news!
I was diagnosed with lung cancer when my niece and nephew were very young (6 & 8. I moved in with my twin sister and the kids at the time. They too say they don't remember it very well but when I get sick with pneumonia or get congested, I can tell it brings up some memories for them. I feel so blessed that I was able to stick around to help my sister raise the kids and feel that is whey God kept me here. My nephew is now in his 2nd year of college and my niece is a senior in high school. They know (because I remind them all the time) that helping raise them gave me purpose and hope. I was given a 20-25% chance of making five years, and here I am at twelve.
I love your attitude and positive outlooks. Hope and a positive outlook is a huge piece of the puzzle.
Blessings to you and thanks so much for the update :)
that was very informative and inspiring blog. the primary medicine for the lung cancer patient is the bold heart. patient's will power will surely cure half the problem
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