I Wish My Doctor Knew / Leading Us Through CancerLand

You feel a lump.A bump.
A something-isn't-right.
You walk into the doctor's office.
Your heart is racing.
You can't breathe.
You see your future disappearing before your eyes.

Clipboard
Forms
Insurance
Blood pressure
Temperature
Weight
Check
Check
Check
I wish my doctor knew
check
I wish my doctor knew
check
I wish my doctor knew
check
What it feels like
check
to be a patient
check
to have to be a patient
check
to have to be patient
check

White coats
Cold hard statistics
Medical jargon diagnosis
Gobbledy goop prognosis           
Protcols
Hear me!
Standard of care
See me!
Aggressive
Know me!
Maintenance
Love me!
Stable
check
check
check
check

Know my fear.
so scared
Take my life in your hands.
all control is you
I am more than my diagnosis.
know my heart
You hold all the power.
your words swim around my head
I wish I was your one and only.
please treat me like your one and only
You don’t want to give false hope.
it’s the only thing keeping me from drowning
You hold my hand
Check.

Please guide me
Not just my body
But me
Not just my body to healing or healed or at-least-not-dead-yet
But me, my whole me, my whole self
Please know how much it hurts
Not the body, but the knowing
Please pretend that you care.
I wish my doctor knew.


Originally posted at: www.curetoday.com/community/tori-tomalia/2015/06/leading-us-through-cancerland